I want to run!!!

I want to run so badly but I can't. My body has decided without my permission that running is no longer in the cards for me. I have tried everything that is medically necessary that was not super invasive. This makes me so sad because as much as I use to complain about it, it was my source of freedom. 

Not being able to run has been very difficult for me, it has been a foundation of my fitness routine for six years. I have to change and I know that, I am working on it. For now I want to say goodbye to running for a while. I hope to see you again this summer but I will prepare myself to let you go forever. 

This may seem silly to do but for me this has been an intricate part of my life. To think that my body would make a decision necessary, is difficult for me.  I have not ran in five long months and I know what running did for me. I am prepared to move on but I am not sure yet what my body will let me do. 

Protecting Love

I was going through my hanging jewelry bag and found this box.

15 years ago my husband got down on one knee Christmas night and pulled out this out . It was 11:30pm and I did not think he would propose that night.  Since that night I have not thought much about this box. I have just kept it safe with my jewelry.

Today I the sight of this box showed me an example of a promise fulfilled everyday. Life will never be perfect but like this box I have a classic love. You see love is not perfect, it will wear, get old and change. What matters is where you keep it, are you protecting that love so that it will stand the test of time? Do you provide maintenance to your love periodically , you know like you shine and clean your jewelry. 

This box does not cost a lot of money, it served a sentimental purpose though. Just like our love it has no monetary value, just the value we assign to it. So it remains valuable only if we assign value to it. We have chosen to keep it in a place where only we can find it. A love that is just right for us because our love does not compare to any other love.

For some other woman this box may seem like a trinket that will be out shined by the ring inside. To me the box remains even as the ring has been upgraded and resized. It is the box that matters, it is a vessel. 

This box will be with us for a lifetime just like our love. 

#DearBlackGirl

#DearBlackGirl,

You must first know that you are loved, purely for who you are a beautiful soul. I know it is difficult sometimes to be you. The expectations are so confusing. You hear so many message about who you are, some apply to you but in fact most have no clue.

Let me tell you something, if by chance you happened to be what they say you are, guess what? It is okay because who you are, what you are is all beautiful. You don't have to change yourself to be accepted, the rest of the black women we see you and think that you are doing just fine.

Allow yourself to be loved, not by another person but purely by you. Love yourself so loud and hard that people notice, then smile and don't be ashamed of it.  You deserved to be loved for everything that you are and you my dear are not a secret love. 

You may have some wounds, but just like a nomad they are signs that you have been traveling  through this journey we called life. Speak loud and proud about your pain so that other black girls can see they are not alone. We can heal each other by sharing with the world our battle scars. You are descendants of royalty meant to give birth to our future leaders. No, the journey you are traveling will not be easy but you can make it easier for the girls behind you. Extend your hand to another black girl and show her that love is around her.
 

If you must keep with you any token of knowledge that you travel with throughout this life we live. I want you to remember that your value can not be determined, you are invaluable. Don't allow others to monetize you.  They can't and should not profit off your beauty, grace, intelligence and strength. In fact there is so much value in you that I don't have the words to name them all.  #DearBlackGirl, you are great, I love you!

Love,

Someone who was once a little black girl too!




  

Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day

Today is  bitter sweet day for so many women(men) who have angels they wish were on earth.  I look at my children and realize the blessing they are because of the five babies that we lost before we could see their faces. Each loss chips way at you and breaks your heart more and more.

There is a population of women who covet motherhood because they are trying but not able to carry a baby to term. It is a difficult journey, not to mention the women who are trying but not conceiving. As a society we often make announcements or ask personal questions  without regard for others.  The question : When are you having a baby? or Are you trying for number two?, may seem like simple questions. It however is heartbreak for so many who are trying and spending all of their money to try and have a baby.

Mothers day rolls around an these women are ignored because the assumption is that you must have a child on earth in order to be a mother. Well that is not the case, if you have carried a child in your womb then you are indeed a mother. If you were blessed to adopt a child, you are indeed a mother.  There are many women that mother children who they are not related to but  see on a daily basis.  The idea of motherhood should be extended to include women who may never have given birth but play the role in life.

So today, I will release balloons for my babies that I know are watching over me and light candles in honor of them and all my friends who have lost their babies today. I am lucky, I have a group of women that understand my story. They have supported me and walked every step of this journey with me. To them today, I want to say I love you!!!! Thank You!! you have shared my joy and pain and allowed me to share indoor as well.

To all the ladies out there still trying or feeling the pain of today, I am with you. I know no words can express what you are feeling, blessings today.
  

I Found This In The Silence.

I have sat down this week and written several different blogs posts, none to me that seemed worthy of hitting publish.  To be honest I write often and half of what I write never makes it to  this page. My heart however leads me to share certain things that I feel others may need to hear.  In fact, it may be just thoughts that I have that I want to be read out loud.

You see, I think that I spend a lot of time in thought, many people who think that they know me think that I spend a lot of time talking. That is not the case in fact silence is where I thrive, it gives me a peace and satisfaction that conversation never will. So this week in my silence I began to feel like I was missing something.  To be honest I could not put my finger on what it was that I was missing. Then the thought came to me, why is it that the things we feel we are missing take up so much space and time in our lives.

When I think of all the things that I am missing the list is so long. I mean when you fill your time thinking about what you are missing, you tend to miss what is there.  As a little girl I remember missing my father, wishing that  I could say daddy out loud and someone would answer who saw me as their little girl. The reality is that  the "missing " my father was and is a intricate part of my life. I could sit here all day and write what I am am missing and provide reasons why they made my life horrible.

The reality is that in between the missing I learned something. It is the missing that made me who I am today and without it, who knows what I would be. In class last week, one of my students asked me where did I learn to love. It was a question that stayed on my heart all week long because the answer that I gave made the missing unnecessary. I said I have never not know how to love, that it was something I was born with. I really tried to think back and remember a time where I did not want to share love with the world. I can not remember, if that time ever did exist. Now I am not saying this because I want you all to think of how great I am. That is really not the point but what is important is that I was given a gift.  In between all of the missing, I still had love to give.  The only problem that I had was that I was too busy missing to give that love to myself.

We all have someone, something or some place that we are missing. In the absence of the missing there is a gift, that you hold. Something unique to you that was there the day you were born. It is something that you give freely to others but forget to give to yourself in the mist of missing. So I want you to ask yourself next time you begin the process of marinating on what you don't have.  What is your gift?  I promise you that gift is much better than what you are missing. Try to share that gift with yourself.

K

Joy After My Storm

Some years ago I had to walk away from some people in my life.  It was not like walking away from an old friend, it was a very significant loss in my life. I have spent most of the time in their absence wondering why I was chosen to live this life.  Really feeling as if I had been punished for being born into a situation that I could not control.

If I am honest with you and myself , I acknowledge that I allowed my self worth to be tied to that loss. It did not matter what I accomplished in life, there was still a hole. It did not matter how many pounds I lost, miles I ran, awards I won, speeches I gave, friends I had, children that loved me or secure nights I had in the arms of my husband. I felt broken beyond belief  and it left me hopeless.

Now I don't  display hopelessness as it may be displayed in others, mine makes me push and work harder to be perfect. It makes me tired and wears me down beyond belief. To be honest I stopped praying because I thought that God had never decided that I was worthy of his Love.  Now I am being real here so bear with me as I ramble a bit. If I am really honest then I will say that I felt this way for longer than I  am willing to admit. Maybe even before  I separated myself from the situation.

This summer I was forced to slow down and really look at myself, to reevaluate my opinion  of my self. It was like I was broken down to my lowest point them slowly brought back brought to life. It required me to look at myself and see my blessings, my failure and my humanness.  It required me to look at myself with the same love that I look to everyone else with. Something changed in me and for a while, I could  not put my finger on it.  So last week I placed a call to the person, I had been missing. It was not a bad call but it made me realize why the separation occurred. I was not sad though, actually I was okay  because I understand now.

You see even though I did not want to admit it, I was caught up in the "why" of the situation. In fact I was caught in the why of my whole life. I often tell my student that " the why" is none of your business. I began to see that I was  not following my own advice.  Searching for the why, I was being held prisoner to a situation that I have been free from for most of my adult life.  Not only was I  afraid to really speak to God, I thought that he was not listening.

If you look at my life and you know what I have been through, then there is no way I have been forgotten. It is only by the grace of God and work that I have made it this far. I said all of this because today I was in church with my family. Usually when I go to church, I feel like I am in so much pain, looking for healing for my broken heart.  Today when the pastor started preaching I felt like he knew why I was there, it maybe a superficial assumption but lets just go with that idea because it make me feel good.

His message did  not make me cry but it was confirmation that I had done the best thing for my life.  That I did not leave anyone behind but they were removed in order for me to flourish.  I am okay today because I allowed my self to be healed, I have forgiven my self  and I am working on forgiving them. There are so many people walking around this world wounded, hurting and there does not seem to be an answer in sight. The things is the answer is there, we are just not listening. We are too busy asking "why".

If I can give any advice to anyone who is hurting , I say seek love not romance but love from inside your self. If you are religious it may come from God but if not look into your heart, seek a pure love for your self.  One that has no requirements, except for you to be who you are.  Today I felt my spirit  renewed, in the presence of the ones who have loved me unconditionally. Today was a very good day, a very good day.

K

The Next Best Thing

Mindfulness

I have spent the last few months studying and practicing mindfulness and meditation.   Let me be the first to say, that I thought it was a waste of time at first. However, I have found my self trying to find quiet time in my life.  With the husband, kids, students and technology it seems like I am constantly in the mist of noise. Not just the sound per se but the distractions that come with life.  In the  transactional model of communication  as you communicate with others there are always distractions that interrupt the messages you send or receive at every stage.  I found a great graphic that shows how noise runs rampant in the communication process. I think we fail to see the noise the exists in our internal communication process. 

That noise has become very loud in my life and I felt like I needed to find some stillness and to connect with out interruption. So I started in the morning when the house was quiet and I would just breathe and focus on my breath. I spent time focusing on how it feels to breathe in and out.  It was difficult at first, my mind would be racing and I would find myself thinking about everything that I needed to do or what had upset me.  So I decided to do some research and found a few good webpages with free guided meditations. In addition to the the fact the having a free trial to Apple Music gave me access to so much material. 

I now can find moment of pure peace during the day, just by getting lost in my own breathing for a few minutes. It is still difficult at times but I think it is worth a try if you are looking for a few moments of peace in your day. I actually just found the app Happify which has some free guided meditations. Either way look around the Internet there is a lot of free info out there.  

I am no expert so I won't recommend any one place, I say just do some research and find something that works for you. 

 I will say that the peace I have found is jubilant. 

In Search of Sister Friends

I know a lot of people, I am friends with lots of folks on Facebook. The problem is that I don't feel like I have any real friends. Sometimes when the chips are down and I need a secure, strong shoulder there is no one to call except my husband. I can remember when I really had friends, I think I was in middle school. Back then I had a strong group of young ladies to hang out with and we really cared about each other. In high school, I began to feel how different and I was. I struggled aimlessly to fit into several different groups. Most of which I never really belonged.
I carried a secret that I kept hidden and failed to share with many people. When I did share, I faced adolescent critics that thought there was an easy answer to my monumental problem. It made me hide from other people, I never really wanted them to see me for who I really was. I think that feeling has traveled into my adult years, I have failed to really find friends and I tend to keep people at a distance.
I don't want to be that way, so I am trying to open up a bit more each day. The funny things is that people who really don't know me describe me as a social  butterfly. I laugh at that description because talking to people in groups is very superficial and it is a skill that I have. To communicate with others is the gift I was born with. I am passionate to a fault about motivating others in life. It does not mean that I have close friendships or relationships. You have to be open for that to occur and every time I have been open, pain followed.
Like a scared little girl sometimes I am afraid to invite people to my home. Still afraid of the secrets they might see or that they might be tarnished by the same plaque I was. Even though now my home is safe, I have made sure of that. It is a delightful refuge full of laughter and the noise of happy rowdy children. Old habits die-hard I guess....
As a grown woman I yearn for a grown woman friend. One to share my life with , in person not in a Facebook group or on a long distance phone call. Not to discount those ladies because the have been my cheerleaders and greatest support. I just want  welcome  others in to my home and enjoy a glass of wine or tea and complain, laugh, gossip and be real. I have had these relationships start before but cross-country moves have prevented the from flourishing.  With the lack of family in my life, these relationships are very important to keeping you sane. As  women and mothers we give so much of our selves selflessly to our family. You never think about it except in those moments when you are flaming mad and pissed at everyone for taking you for granted.
I realize now that I must open my door and let other women in, to see me. That my home may not be perfect every time and neither will my children but I need people too. I can't just spend my time being inspirational to others and never feeling inspiration myself. In a way it makes me feel fraudulent that I may not even be taking my own advice.  Change is good and I am changing my life.

Idenity Quest

"Who am I ?"  This question has been asked by almost every person I know. It seems that we are all on this quest to figure out who we are or where we need to be.  It is like we are on this journey that requires us to  change all the the time. Never being satisfied with where we are now.  I am guilty of  this, constantly looking for what to do or fix next.

The reality is, or what I  think is important to remember is that we miss the present. When you are constantly looking to change, how do you appreciate the now. At what point are you grateful for who you are today. Obviously we all need to change and grow but it seems to me that we spend far too much money and time worrying about what we will be. We then fail to be present and never appreciate the now.

It is not my intent to make growth seem unnecessary,  growth is gradual and comes with time.  It is the constant need to be the better you or  to imitate what we see in others, physically and economically. Sometimes I feel like it is the fault of capitalism which puts us in the consumer mind set. Making success seem like something that you can purchase. There is always some new product or idea that we need to try and ultimately it is going to make us happier, wealthier, thinner and more attractive. 

What if, we decided to look at ourselves today and say, your are  pretty damn awesome. Yeah, I have goals but there is nothing wrong with who I am. Then we stop putting money into the machine that helps to deplete the self esteem of individuals everywhere.   What if?????

Sadness

Sadness creeps up during the night.  When everyone else is sleeping. The only sounds that exist in my room are quiet murmurs from the television.  Surrounded by the soft snores of my husband. 

That is the moment when I feel it my chest so tightly and I usually fight it first. Try not to let it sink in my heart but then before I could muster up the energy to fight it, a tear slips from my eye.  I know then that I am going to let them fall. 

I let them fall, slide down my face One after another rushing to my chin. I can't make them stop if I tried. My body quivers and my husband rolls over in his sleep an takes me in his arms. 

Peace exists at that moment when he loves me the way I need to be loved. In silence while my emotions flow freely and my tears stain his shirt. 

It ends about an hour after is started but the emotion does not leave. It changes to love. 

 

What is Love?

Emotions

We exist a world that makes it seem like feeling is weakness.  To feel emotion is a function of life.  When you fail to feel your emotions, you began to fall apart.  

People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead.

James Baldwin (1924-1987)
Nobody Knows My Name (1961)

I think we have been strong for too long,  the real strength comes in facing your life. Feeling your emotions and crying when tears are stinging at your eyes.  This idea of strength, that so many people carry with them is debilitating.  You can only fake it for so long before you begin to forget what it is like to be real.  What feeling is really like, then feelings starts to become debilitating because you are afraid of how you will respond to the emotions. Today embrace your emotions, they are real and you deserve to have emotions.

7 weeks until 36

As the title implies I am turning 36 in seven weeks. For the past 5 years I have been giving my self a special gift.  I want be my best physically and  emotionally on my birthday.  So for the last seven weeks of the year, I chose seven because that is my number(ha ha), I work on me.  I usually sit down and make this long drawn out plan for everyday and  I try to  follow it down to the letter.

This year I decided  to nix that idea,  as I turn 36 I want to be more carefree with my life. I have a few things that intend to do:

1. Eat to live
2. Stay off the scale
5 .Embrace Yoga
7. Smile and laugh more
8.  Enjoy playing with my children
9. Love myself  everyday, no matter what
10.  Read or listen to books
11. Write everyday


These things might seem simple but I find because I wear so many hats, that I don't give to myself. So decided to be intentional about it at the end of each year.

The next seven weeks, I will give these gifts to myself!!

K

Running, updates and other events

So I ran a virtual 5k for mothers day ( actually ran it the day before) and got this nifty metal in the mail Saturday. Running has become super fun and enjoyable again. I really like the virtual 5k's, although I usually run 4 miles instead of 3 anyway.  So I have been setting myself up for virtual races as milestones to get me to my standard races.

My last post was about letting go and I have to say, it has been a little more difficult than I thought it wold be. I am a creature of habit but after a week I am much more carefree and believe it or not I don't miss it one bit!!


You know what they say, slow and steady winds the race!

A Change is Coming!!

When I started this journey five years ago, I did it in flight mode.  I was obese and had been for most of my life. The cardiologist told me that being fat was my only problem and I was afraid for my life.
So I went all in, joined Weight Watchers and started working out, running and completed every workout DVD Beach Body had to offer.

Well about 90 days ago, I jumped back On Weight Watchers because I had gained  a few pounds back and I wanted to get back on track, I also started pulling out my DVD's again. I started this with the best intentions because this is how I lost the weight and this is how I should keep it off. However during the process, I found that I hated that shit. Now I am going to be real here, so I hope I don't offended anyone but know this is just how I feel.

For five years there have been so many cants in my life when  it comes to fitness or dieting. Every time  I opened the app  to track my points, I found my self being unmotivated more I tracked the less I wanted to do. When the trial was over that paid for, I had indeed lost the vanity pounds that I wanted to get rid of for summer.  So I canceled my subscription and found some free app to use but something happened during that time. I found myself looking in the mirror asking myself why? Why am I spending so much time doing this.

Here are the fact about my life, I work out 5 to 6 days a week, it includes running, weights and various machines at the gym.  I know what to put in my mouth and moderation is the key.  This is what I do and I do it because I have found a love for fitness.  What I don't have a love for is the constant expectations and requirements that seem to go along with it.  

Yesterday I read a bog by Jennifer Galardi and she said something's that I have been thinking for months. I am turning 36 in July and there is some stuff that I am not going to do anymore.


So here is my list of things that I am not going to do any more.

1.  Track or write down everything I eat- I am tired of bite and write it. Looking at the calorie count or points of everything that I eat. At this point I know what I am putting in my mouth and  I don't need to keep track of it anymore. I am no longer paying for services so that I can control what I put in my mouth. Now don't get me wrong those programs worked for me in the beginning but I have just outgrown them and I have to let that go to be happy.

2. Running- the fact is I love running at my pace. I am no longer competing for speed or to decrease my time. I run between a 11:30 and 12 minute mile comfortably. I feel good at that pace and I can get down to a 9 minute mile no problem but I don't enjoy it. I don't want to hate running and my knee feels like crap after I force my self to run at uncomfortable paces. So Nike will no longer be shouting my pace in my ear as I run. What ever my pace my body moves at when I hit the pavement, is jut that.  I am no longer running on the treadmill, I hate it and I count the minutes until it is done. I am at the point of I cant run outdoors or on an indoor track then I wont run. I refuse to run in races that don't provide medals because I am competitive. Dognabit if I train and run a race, I want a medal. Especially if I am paying fifty to a hundred dollars for a race! I will no long run in run/walk theme races. I am not saying that I wont do them but I am not running through walkers and bowing people to get through the finish line anymore. It is just a waste of time and not enjoyable.  I would rather walk it with friends and family and have fun doing it, instead of fighting a crowd. There is a good chance I will never run a full marathon, that is just it. I think 26 miles is too long for me  and I wont do it!

3. I am only competing with myself. When I started this I was a  subscriber to all the fitness magazines. Looking at those ladies thinking that is where  I wanted to  be. The reality is that I am not them and probably never will be but I will keep competing with myself. Trying to be the best me instead of some photo shopped image in a magazine. I am my own competition and I am happier that way. I don't want to do anymore 90 day challenges or squat this month and push up that month. No more of that mess, it sucks too. Now my plank, I will never give up my plank to me it is the only daily challenge that I love to hate.

4. I don't care about super foods or whatever supplement is suppose to be the rage. The only thing I love is my protein power and vitamins. Everything else can take a hike off a  big cliff. I refuse to pay $190.00 for a meal supplement. In fact I was never silly enough  to pay full price for them.  I always got samples or some closeout sale.  I keep getting offers for me to join a group buy a DVD and  the next great meal replacement shakes. So let me say it now I don't want them, I think most of them are gross anyway.   My protein powder is affordable and I am happy with it. I personally am a grouch if all I do is drink shakes my body does not like it and I crash.

I am unapologetically me in every other facet of my life and now I am heading into my own direction. This is my journey and  I can do it they way I want to!

Blessings K

Vacation Time

I have booked my vacation, so of  course I am looking for new clothes and bathing suits. The hangup is I hate the things I see in stores.  so I have been doing some online shopping for new threads.
I have found that there are so many new little online boutiques. They are on Instagram and Facebook, it is like a clothing extravaganza.

Here is the thing, when you order thing online, you cant try them on. So you see a picture of some awesome outfit and you get it and it does not fit right. I don't know I think my style has changed so much that, it is hard to find what I am looking for. Living in a small city in the south does not make it any better. I have to drive about 45 minutes to find the stores I like.

So I am  stuck in the cycle of buying and mailing things back if they don't fit right. It has me convinced that small city living is not for me.

DearMe

Empowerment

So last night I gave a speech about empowerment, as part of a series. I was honored to be chosen to open this conference. I provided a clip below, please enjoy.

Even The Best Plans.......

Sometimes in life you make a plan and it does not work out. That is what happened to me the last few weeks. I intended to start P90X  two weeks ago but then illness happened and I even tried to do the first day I fell ill but my but body would  not let me. So I focused on my diet, actually trying to eat because my appetite was gone.

At first I was disappointed and intended to try to make up the days so I could stay on schedule and complete my plan when I intended to.  I had to realize was absolutely crazy  and that I had not really even started. So I had to scrap that plan and to make matters worse, Saturday night I realized I had and ear infection. So my plan to start Sunday would not happen either, plans sometimes must change.  My goal however remains the same, so today is day one for my sixth round of P90X, I decided to do the Lean program this time.

In the past I would have been insane and decided to do double until I got back on schedule. I am so glad that I have relaxed on this journey and accepted that things sometimes don't work out as planned. It is still possible  to complete a goal even when your journey is a bit longer than intended.

I will tell you this I am ready for spring!!!!!!

Blessings

K

Empowerment lesson 1

P90X Round 6

So I decided to dive back in to P90X before the summer started to sneak up on me. This is my sixth round in 4 1/2 years and I love this program. One of the challenges I have been having is getting to the gym in the morning.  I am teaching 9am classes this semester and I have to get the kids off to school.  So I decided that one of my best options would be to do cardio in the morning and P90X  when I get home.  

I prefer the gym in the morning when machine are available and my routine takes about 90 minutes including cardio. So if I hit my 45 minutes of cardio in the morning then do weights (P90X) at home, I should be good. Initially I planned to start Saturday but then decided to reconfigure to a traditional schedule.  So even though I am feeling under the weather, I did my fit test today. I figure shoot, I can only get better as I go forward( insert painful laughter here).  I was impressed with what I could do at half my usual gusto. 

My 90 day will end in May, so it will be just in time for me to have easy access to the gym again. Hopefully with great gains made in my upper body strength. I will check periodically and give a update. Oh I also started tracking again with Weight Watchers(it keeps me honest), grabbed a three month subscription for a steal. So this is my plan until May, after that I am sure I will be pleased to get outside and run again. If it warms up my morning cardio will be pavement pushing!

What is your plan? 

Blessings

K

Snowmagedden 2015

It started snowing on Sunday and we have basically been in the house with exception of sledding and trips to the grocery store. I hit our community gym and jumped on the elliptical and did a few in home workouts but lets be honest, I have not worked out as hard  or watched my intake nearly as much as I should have.

So this week I might have a gain and the scale will tell me the truth of my actions. Am I upset about it ?NO! I enjoyed my boys and husband. We went sledding at 11pm, roasted s'mores, watched endless movies and ate popcorn. We danced to loud music and vegged in Pjs all day, I was able to motivate my friends from afar. I lounged in front of the fire and drank wine with my husband while reminiscing about the snow days B.C. (Before Children). I got absolutely no work done other than a conference call and a few emails. 

This was great week that ends with my husband and I celebrating 13 years together(10 1/2 years married and 13 years together ). So I lived In the moment and it is okay, if you were not perfect this week it is okay. I won't remember that I gained a pound this week but I will remember the fun we had as a family. I will remember the smiles and laughs that we had this week.  It was worth it to me!  When  I first started this journey over four years ago, there was no way I could have done this and bounced back. I know now that there is always tomorrow  and that you have to live to continue on this journey successfully. 

So don't beat yourself up about one week, I guarantee that I will be back in beast mode starting Saturday mourning. No worries here. 

Be good to you!

Blessings K

The Truth of it All - Original post date(12/14/13)

So I can say out loud I am just tired of working out and eating right. I mean really tired of thinking about it all the time. I just want to sit down and eat a large burger, shake and fries without worrying about it going to my thighs.  Let's be real for a moment, I know many of you are thinking the same thing.  If you could get away with it, you would be sitting in a booth at Steak and Shake right now. Shoot I know I would, I guess I am tired of the idea that we can not admit we want to eat crap sometimes.  I don't know anyone who walks around eating healthy all the time but it seems like that is the expectation.

I am flawed person and honestly enjoy a nice burger once in a while.  My only issue is that now I know how many calories that exist in that one meal. Which means that I am consuming  a days worth of calories  in one meal.

It sucks to know that, I miss the ignorance of not knowing and enjoying it. So now instead of enjoying a a burger in a fast food restaurant, I enjoy one at home. I skip the fries and opt for a salad and use a light bun.  I mean I still have the burger but the experience is different now.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad that I am no longer ignorant to calories or how I should eat.  I am much healthier than I was and can walk up 5 flights of stairs carrying  my bags, with no problem. I can run 6 miles, squat 180 pounds, do 30 push ups in a minute and I look good in shorts.  I said all  of this just to say, yeah I miss eating a burger, fries and a shake at times. However, I do prefer my new life to the old one.( Trying to convince myself maybe, LOL.)

Blessings K

Resurgence

I took a much needed break from blogging and talking about all thing fitness for a while. Things just got hectic and I needed to let go. Just like anything you love, when you enjoy something it stays in the front of your mind. So to be honest I have been blogging and writing while I was away but I did not post them.

So over the next few weeks I will share with you some of the thoughts and ideas I had while I was away. In addition to sharing with you the struggle to maintain weight loss after being overweight most of your life. No one ever tells you that losing the weight is a battle but maintaining the weight loss is a journey.

I think that along the way this blog has become about much more than just weight loss. It has become about my passion to help others. So you might see other topics pop up now and then. I just hope that you will come along for  the ride again.

 Blessings
K