Thursday, October 29, 2015



You must first know that you are loved, purely for who you are a beautiful soul. I know it is difficult sometimes to be you. The expectations are so confusing. You hear so many message about who you are, some apply to you but in fact most have no clue.

Let me tell you something, if by chance you happened to be what they say you are, guess what? It is okay because who you are, what you are is all beautiful. You don't have to change yourself to be accepted, the rest of the black women we see you and think that you are doing just fine.

Allow yourself to be loved, not by another person but purely by you. Love yourself so loud and hard that people notice, then smile and don't be ashamed of it.  You deserved to be loved for everything that you are and you my dear are not a secret love. 

You may have some wounds, but just like a nomad they are signs that you have been traveling  through this journey we called life. Speak loud and proud about your pain so that other black girls can see they are not alone. We can heal each other by sharing with the world our battle scars. You are descendants of royalty meant to give birth to our future leaders. No, the journey you are traveling will not be easy but you can make it easier for the girls behind you. Extend your hand to another black girl and show her that love is around her.

If you must keep with you any token of knowledge that you travel with throughout this life we live. I want you to remember that your value can not be determined, you are invaluable. Don't allow others to monetize you.  They can't and should not profit off your beauty, grace, intelligence and strength. In fact there is so much value in you that I don't have the words to name them all.  #DearBlackGirl, you are great, I love you!


Someone who was once a little black girl too!


Thursday, October 15, 2015

Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day

Today is  bitter sweet day for so many women(men) who have angels they wish were on earth.  I look at my children and realize the blessing they are because of the five babies that we lost before we could see their faces. Each loss chips way at you and breaks your heart more and more.

There is a population of women who covet motherhood because they are trying but not able to carry a baby to term. It is a difficult journey, not to mention the women who are trying but not conceiving. As a society we often make announcements or ask personal questions  without regard for others.  The question : When are you having a baby? or Are you trying for number two?, may seem like simple questions. It however is heartbreak for so many who are trying and spending all of their money to try and have a baby.

Mothers day rolls around an these women are ignored because the assumption is that you must have a child on earth in order to be a mother. Well that is not the case, if you have carried a child in your womb then you are indeed a mother. If you were blessed to adopt a child, you are indeed a mother.  There are many women that mother children who they are not related to but  see on a daily basis.  The idea of motherhood should be extended to include women who may never have given birth but play the role in life.

So today, I will release balloons for my babies that I know are watching over me and light candles in honor of them and all my friends who have lost their babies today. I am lucky, I have a group of women that understand my story. They have supported me and walked every step of this journey with me. To them today, I want to say I love you!!!! Thank You!! you have shared my joy and pain and allowed me to share indoor as well.

To all the ladies out there still trying or feeling the pain of today, I am with you. I know no words can express what you are feeling, blessings today.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

I Found This In The Silence.

I have sat down this week and written several different blogs posts, none to me that seemed worthy of hitting publish.  To be honest I write often and half of what I write never makes it to  this page. My heart however leads me to share certain things that I feel others may need to hear.  In fact, it may be just thoughts that I have that I want to be read out loud.

You see, I think that I spend a lot of time in thought, many people who think that they know me think that I spend a lot of time talking. That is not the case in fact silence is where I thrive, it gives me a peace and satisfaction that conversation never will. So this week in my silence I began to feel like I was missing something.  To be honest I could not put my finger on what it was that I was missing. Then the thought came to me, why is it that the things we feel we are missing take up so much space and time in our lives.

When I think of all the things that I am missing the list is so long. I mean when you fill your time thinking about what you are missing, you tend to miss what is there.  As a little girl I remember missing my father, wishing that  I could say daddy out loud and someone would answer who saw me as their little girl. The reality is that  the "missing " my father was and is a intricate part of my life. I could sit here all day and write what I am am missing and provide reasons why they made my life horrible.

The reality is that in between the missing I learned something. It is the missing that made me who I am today and without it, who knows what I would be. In class last week, one of my students asked me where did I learn to love. It was a question that stayed on my heart all week long because the answer that I gave made the missing unnecessary. I said I have never not know how to love, that it was something I was born with. I really tried to think back and remember a time where I did not want to share love with the world. I can not remember, if that time ever did exist. Now I am not saying this because I want you all to think of how great I am. That is really not the point but what is important is that I was given a gift.  In between all of the missing, I still had love to give.  The only problem that I had was that I was too busy missing to give that love to myself.

We all have someone, something or some place that we are missing. In the absence of the missing there is a gift, that you hold. Something unique to you that was there the day you were born. It is something that you give freely to others but forget to give to yourself in the mist of missing. So I want you to ask yourself next time you begin the process of marinating on what you don't have.  What is your gift?  I promise you that gift is much better than what you are missing. Try to share that gift with yourself.


Sunday, October 4, 2015

Joy After My Storm

Some years ago I had to walk away from some people in my life.  It was not like walking away from an old friend, it was a very significant loss in my life. I have spent most of the time in their absence wondering why I was chosen to live this life.  Really feeling as if I had been punished for being born into a situation that I could not control.

If I am honest with you and myself , I acknowledge that I allowed my self worth to be tied to that loss. It did not matter what I accomplished in life, there was still a hole. It did not matter how many pounds I lost, miles I ran, awards I won, speeches I gave, friends I had, children that loved me or secure nights I had in the arms of my husband. I felt broken beyond belief  and it left me hopeless.

Now I don't  display hopelessness as it may be displayed in others, mine makes me push and work harder to be perfect. It makes me tired and wears me down beyond belief. To be honest I stopped praying because I thought that God had never decided that I was worthy of his Love.  Now I am being real here so bear with me as I ramble a bit. If I am really honest then I will say that I felt this way for longer than I  am willing to admit. Maybe even before  I separated myself from the situation.

This summer I was forced to slow down and really look at myself, to reevaluate my opinion  of my self. It was like I was broken down to my lowest point them slowly brought back brought to life. It required me to look at myself and see my blessings, my failure and my humanness.  It required me to look at myself with the same love that I look to everyone else with. Something changed in me and for a while, I could  not put my finger on it.  So last week I placed a call to the person, I had been missing. It was not a bad call but it made me realize why the separation occurred. I was not sad though, actually I was okay  because I understand now.

You see even though I did not want to admit it, I was caught up in the "why" of the situation. In fact I was caught in the why of my whole life. I often tell my student that " the why" is none of your business. I began to see that I was  not following my own advice.  Searching for the why, I was being held prisoner to a situation that I have been free from for most of my adult life.  Not only was I  afraid to really speak to God, I thought that he was not listening.

If you look at my life and you know what I have been through, then there is no way I have been forgotten. It is only by the grace of God and work that I have made it this far. I said all of this because today I was in church with my family. Usually when I go to church, I feel like I am in so much pain, looking for healing for my broken heart.  Today when the pastor started preaching I felt like he knew why I was there, it maybe a superficial assumption but lets just go with that idea because it make me feel good.

His message did  not make me cry but it was confirmation that I had done the best thing for my life.  That I did not leave anyone behind but they were removed in order for me to flourish.  I am okay today because I allowed my self to be healed, I have forgiven my self  and I am working on forgiving them. There are so many people walking around this world wounded, hurting and there does not seem to be an answer in sight. The things is the answer is there, we are just not listening. We are too busy asking "why".

If I can give any advice to anyone who is hurting , I say seek love not romance but love from inside your self. If you are religious it may come from God but if not look into your heart, seek a pure love for your self.  One that has no requirements, except for you to be who you are.  Today I felt my spirit  renewed, in the presence of the ones who have loved me unconditionally. Today was a very good day, a very good day.