Sunday, October 11, 2015

I Found This In The Silence.

I have sat down this week and written several different blogs posts, none to me that seemed worthy of hitting publish.  To be honest I write often and half of what I write never makes it to  this page. My heart however leads me to share certain things that I feel others may need to hear.  In fact, it may be just thoughts that I have that I want to be read out loud.

You see, I think that I spend a lot of time in thought, many people who think that they know me think that I spend a lot of time talking. That is not the case in fact silence is where I thrive, it gives me a peace and satisfaction that conversation never will. So this week in my silence I began to feel like I was missing something.  To be honest I could not put my finger on what it was that I was missing. Then the thought came to me, why is it that the things we feel we are missing take up so much space and time in our lives.

When I think of all the things that I am missing the list is so long. I mean when you fill your time thinking about what you are missing, you tend to miss what is there.  As a little girl I remember missing my father, wishing that  I could say daddy out loud and someone would answer who saw me as their little girl. The reality is that  the "missing " my father was and is a intricate part of my life. I could sit here all day and write what I am am missing and provide reasons why they made my life horrible.

The reality is that in between the missing I learned something. It is the missing that made me who I am today and without it, who knows what I would be. In class last week, one of my students asked me where did I learn to love. It was a question that stayed on my heart all week long because the answer that I gave made the missing unnecessary. I said I have never not know how to love, that it was something I was born with. I really tried to think back and remember a time where I did not want to share love with the world. I can not remember, if that time ever did exist. Now I am not saying this because I want you all to think of how great I am. That is really not the point but what is important is that I was given a gift.  In between all of the missing, I still had love to give.  The only problem that I had was that I was too busy missing to give that love to myself.

We all have someone, something or some place that we are missing. In the absence of the missing there is a gift, that you hold. Something unique to you that was there the day you were born. It is something that you give freely to others but forget to give to yourself in the mist of missing. So I want you to ask yourself next time you begin the process of marinating on what you don't have.  What is your gift?  I promise you that gift is much better than what you are missing. Try to share that gift with yourself.


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