Tis the season

This is a difficult season for me, I grew up with a grandmother who made the holiday season larger than life. I was used to going to her home and being surrounded by my entire family.  Regardless of what nightmare I was living with in my own home. I knew that time would be sacred, peaceful and safe for me.  Since her passing so much has changed in my life and I spend the holidays with only my husband and children.  In the beginning I would cook tons of food and eat till my hearts content, honestly filling my sorrow with food.

In recent years,  I have come to realize  that killing my self by over consuming food would not heal my heart. I decided to look at my little family as a blessing, they are my heart and home. I also made some hard choices and decided to deal with all the issues that kept me in solitude.  Exercise  has become a part of that healing process, running is a freedom for me from all the stress and history.  So this year as the holidays are in full effect, I ramp up my exercise routine and try to find new things to do.

I think that sometimes,  we as people tend to forget that everyone is not on the same path.   We are all on a different journey and may not be celebrating the same blessings. I have no idea, how many times I have been asked if I am going home for Christmas, my reply is yes I will be with my husband and children.  In the past, just that question would wound me and send me running to the refrigerator to  eat away my sorrows.  I am stronger now and I have the tools to choose a different ways to deal with stress and painful memories.

However, there are some people who don't have the tools to make the right choices yet. So as you walk around and spread the holiday cheer, really take the time to look into the eyes of the people you ask random questions.  This may not be their favorite time of the year.

As for me, I am rejoicing in making  new traditions and memories with my husband and children. I will never forget however to be mindful of others during this season or daily for that matter.