Emotions

We exist a world that makes it seem like feeling is weakness.  To feel emotion is a function of life.  When you fail to feel your emotions, you began to fall apart.  

People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead.

James Baldwin (1924-1987)
Nobody Knows My Name (1961)

I think we have been strong for too long,  the real strength comes in facing your life. Feeling your emotions and crying when tears are stinging at your eyes.  This idea of strength, that so many people carry with them is debilitating.  You can only fake it for so long before you begin to forget what it is like to be real.  What feeling is really like, then feelings starts to become debilitating because you are afraid of how you will respond to the emotions. Today embrace your emotions, they are real and you deserve to have emotions.

7 weeks until 36

As the title implies I am turning 36 in seven weeks. For the past 5 years I have been giving my self a special gift.  I want be my best physically and  emotionally on my birthday.  So for the last seven weeks of the year, I chose seven because that is my number(ha ha), I work on me.  I usually sit down and make this long drawn out plan for everyday and  I try to  follow it down to the letter.

This year I decided  to nix that idea,  as I turn 36 I want to be more carefree with my life. I have a few things that intend to do:

1. Eat to live
2. Stay off the scale
5 .Embrace Yoga
7. Smile and laugh more
8.  Enjoy playing with my children
9. Love myself  everyday, no matter what
10.  Read or listen to books
11. Write everyday


These things might seem simple but I find because I wear so many hats, that I don't give to myself. So decided to be intentional about it at the end of each year.

The next seven weeks, I will give these gifts to myself!!

K

Running, updates and other events

So I ran a virtual 5k for mothers day ( actually ran it the day before) and got this nifty metal in the mail Saturday. Running has become super fun and enjoyable again. I really like the virtual 5k's, although I usually run 4 miles instead of 3 anyway.  So I have been setting myself up for virtual races as milestones to get me to my standard races.

My last post was about letting go and I have to say, it has been a little more difficult than I thought it wold be. I am a creature of habit but after a week I am much more carefree and believe it or not I don't miss it one bit!!


You know what they say, slow and steady winds the race!

A Change is Coming!!

When I started this journey five years ago, I did it in flight mode.  I was obese and had been for most of my life. The cardiologist told me that being fat was my only problem and I was afraid for my life.
So I went all in, joined Weight Watchers and started working out, running and completed every workout DVD Beach Body had to offer.

Well about 90 days ago, I jumped back On Weight Watchers because I had gained  a few pounds back and I wanted to get back on track, I also started pulling out my DVD's again. I started this with the best intentions because this is how I lost the weight and this is how I should keep it off. However during the process, I found that I hated that shit. Now I am going to be real here, so I hope I don't offended anyone but know this is just how I feel.

For five years there have been so many cants in my life when  it comes to fitness or dieting. Every time  I opened the app  to track my points, I found my self being unmotivated more I tracked the less I wanted to do. When the trial was over that paid for, I had indeed lost the vanity pounds that I wanted to get rid of for summer.  So I canceled my subscription and found some free app to use but something happened during that time. I found myself looking in the mirror asking myself why? Why am I spending so much time doing this.

Here are the fact about my life, I work out 5 to 6 days a week, it includes running, weights and various machines at the gym.  I know what to put in my mouth and moderation is the key.  This is what I do and I do it because I have found a love for fitness.  What I don't have a love for is the constant expectations and requirements that seem to go along with it.  

Yesterday I read a bog by Jennifer Galardi and she said something's that I have been thinking for months. I am turning 36 in July and there is some stuff that I am not going to do anymore.


So here is my list of things that I am not going to do any more.

1.  Track or write down everything I eat- I am tired of bite and write it. Looking at the calorie count or points of everything that I eat. At this point I know what I am putting in my mouth and  I don't need to keep track of it anymore. I am no longer paying for services so that I can control what I put in my mouth. Now don't get me wrong those programs worked for me in the beginning but I have just outgrown them and I have to let that go to be happy.

2. Running- the fact is I love running at my pace. I am no longer competing for speed or to decrease my time. I run between a 11:30 and 12 minute mile comfortably. I feel good at that pace and I can get down to a 9 minute mile no problem but I don't enjoy it. I don't want to hate running and my knee feels like crap after I force my self to run at uncomfortable paces. So Nike will no longer be shouting my pace in my ear as I run. What ever my pace my body moves at when I hit the pavement, is jut that.  I am no longer running on the treadmill, I hate it and I count the minutes until it is done. I am at the point of I cant run outdoors or on an indoor track then I wont run. I refuse to run in races that don't provide medals because I am competitive. Dognabit if I train and run a race, I want a medal. Especially if I am paying fifty to a hundred dollars for a race! I will no long run in run/walk theme races. I am not saying that I wont do them but I am not running through walkers and bowing people to get through the finish line anymore. It is just a waste of time and not enjoyable.  I would rather walk it with friends and family and have fun doing it, instead of fighting a crowd. There is a good chance I will never run a full marathon, that is just it. I think 26 miles is too long for me  and I wont do it!

3. I am only competing with myself. When I started this I was a  subscriber to all the fitness magazines. Looking at those ladies thinking that is where  I wanted to  be. The reality is that I am not them and probably never will be but I will keep competing with myself. Trying to be the best me instead of some photo shopped image in a magazine. I am my own competition and I am happier that way. I don't want to do anymore 90 day challenges or squat this month and push up that month. No more of that mess, it sucks too. Now my plank, I will never give up my plank to me it is the only daily challenge that I love to hate.

4. I don't care about super foods or whatever supplement is suppose to be the rage. The only thing I love is my protein power and vitamins. Everything else can take a hike off a  big cliff. I refuse to pay $190.00 for a meal supplement. In fact I was never silly enough  to pay full price for them.  I always got samples or some closeout sale.  I keep getting offers for me to join a group buy a DVD and  the next great meal replacement shakes. So let me say it now I don't want them, I think most of them are gross anyway.   My protein powder is affordable and I am happy with it. I personally am a grouch if all I do is drink shakes my body does not like it and I crash.

I am unapologetically me in every other facet of my life and now I am heading into my own direction. This is my journey and  I can do it they way I want to!

Blessings K

Vacation Time

I have booked my vacation, so of  course I am looking for new clothes and bathing suits. The hangup is I hate the things I see in stores.  so I have been doing some online shopping for new threads.
I have found that there are so many new little online boutiques. They are on Instagram and Facebook, it is like a clothing extravaganza.

Here is the thing, when you order thing online, you cant try them on. So you see a picture of some awesome outfit and you get it and it does not fit right. I don't know I think my style has changed so much that, it is hard to find what I am looking for. Living in a small city in the south does not make it any better. I have to drive about 45 minutes to find the stores I like.

So I am  stuck in the cycle of buying and mailing things back if they don't fit right. It has me convinced that small city living is not for me.

DearMe

Empowerment

So last night I gave a speech about empowerment, as part of a series. I was honored to be chosen to open this conference. I provided a clip below, please enjoy.